Just past 1am.

It seems that I am getting back to my old 'insane' patterns of late night postings at un-godly hours (a phrase that seems to me to be a contradiction in terms) after a fateful night out in which I gained the level of bloody stupid drunk far to quickly. The net result being an old friend not speaking to me and a day spent with a whale for a head and a stomach carrying a party of dreadfull little goblins pounding their feet creating some wonderfull (incase you miss it, the italics there is to point out sarcasm) dull ache.

And always in these moments I become afraid.

There is a world out there, but I am missing something to make me want to find it.

I have a past behind me, that is largely filled with pain... well maybe not but regular social and emotional disconfort that is not desireable.

Now, I am someone who I am not sure if I actually like or not. Maybe experience has corrupted me and (just like a program with one small but vital part of code with is incorrect) I break for periods at a time when I go along a certian path.

In effect though, the above couple of sentances are complete crap.

It is enough to say, I am lost. Without anywhere or anyone who I can feel safe with and totally content.